She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not
by Orage
Summary: An average love story, about an unforunate sequence of events. RogueRemy.
1. first glance

**Disclaimer**: Marvel's, not mine

**Timeline/Plotline**; Mutants are common knowledge, and for the most part accepted around the world. Forget what you know from the comics and TV shows. This is just an ordinary story about everything you and I face everyday. Sort of.

** Writing in Italics represents the past. **

……………………………………..

Rogue fiddled with the ring on her hand. Twisting it round, slipping it on and off. Laughter came faintly from downstairs.

She walked stoically to her bedroom door, laying rest to the ring on her right hand. Pressing her ear to the door she heard her roommate Betsy laugh. She was throwing a party.

Rogue looked down at the tiny black dress she was wearing. Giving a long sigh, she opened her door.

The living room was crowded. Betsy always knew how to attract a crowd. She reminded Rogue of Catherine Zeta-Jone's character in High Fidelity. The life of the party, so incredibly eccentric, nearing on ridiculous.

Avoiding eye contact with everyone else, Rogue slipped into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard. She took one sip from the glass she poured, her eyes rolling to the side. She could feel the woman's presence behind her.

"Wouldn't you rather drink that with everyone else?"

Jean. Her other roommate. Jean and Betsy had been friends since high school. Rogue often felt a loner in their midst.

"Course I would sugah." Slowly, Rogue inched around, resting an elbow on the counter. "Tonight just ain't my night."

Betsy, Jean and Rogue attended a university designed for mutants. They didn't save the world or help people. They just wanted to live like everybody else.

Jean nodded, eyes roaming out the window.

"Well, Scott brought a friend. His name's Bobby. He's funny," Jean said tapping her fingernails on the kitchen's island. "You'd like him Rogue."

Rogue gave a faulty laugh.

"Honey, what'd I say bout' tryin' to set me up?" She took another sip of her whiskey, awaiting Jean's answer.

"I know Rogue, its just, well, it's been over two months since you got control of your power, and I want to see you happy."

"I'm fine on my own Jean."

Jean nodded again and moved to exit the kitchen.

"But thanks Jean."

Jean stopped and smiled before leaving the room. A few unknowns roamed into the kitchen, and Rogue moved closer to the kitchen's sliding door.

What Rogue had never told Jean or Betsy was that she did have a past. Ignoring the clinking of glass and the couple's whispering, Rogue watched the rain blow haphazardly back and forth, without direction.

Today would be a good day to start smoking.

…………………………..

_Rogue placed the flowers on the wet cement of the grave. She hadn't cried yet because her heart and mind were still frozen. _

_She had known he was sick. But she had had to figure that out for herself. He never spoke about it. He had been able to read her every emotion just by watching her eyes. _

_Yet he had always been a mystery. _

_Today she would breathe and walk away. It had been a month now. There was a warm trickle down her cheek as she looked up at the sun trying to break through the clouds. _

_Maybe he was smiling for her one more time._

_She would have to cover up the lines of her past now. This story was only for her._

………………………………………

Rogue opened the glass door and with a brief shiver stepped out onto the small backyard patio. Rain pounded loudly on the small stretch of roof that sheltered her.

She sat down on the seat closest to the door.

The whoosh of the door and Betsy's swift movements startled her from a memory best forgotten.

With a strange sense of grace, Betsy lit the cigarette hanging from her lips and blew out a puff of smoke. The purple satin against her skin barely covered her thin frame.

"Wonderful party I see Betsy."

Betsy wasn't startled by Rogue. She was a telepath. She had sensed her seconds ago.

Uncaring, Betsy waved a hand in the air.

"Same old, same old." Her eyes moved sideways in Rogue's direction. "But why aren't you in there? I haven't seen you once this evening."

"It's still early Betsy."

The woman smiled, and took a step towards Rogue, her heels clicking on the cement. "There are some gorgeous men in there Rogue. I suggest you try out that new control."

Rogue gave a coy look that Betsy judged as a seductive understanding. What Rogue was really smiling about was how little Betsy knew.

"Uh!" Betsy moaned dramatically, changing the subject with ease. "Speaking of gorgeous," she slipped into the seat next to Rogue and paused to puff on her cigarette. "I met the most beautiful man in that café down the street today. So flirtatious and smooth."

Rogue smiled. She had known a man like that once.

"So completely my type," Betsy continued. "I was sitting outside smoking and he asked if he could bum a light."

Betsy was always falling for a different man every week. And every week Rogue would hear about it. But she enjoyed the way Betsy dramatized it, often using wild hand gestures.

"He sat down across from me, and I swear he never faltered once. Not with words, and especially not with his movements." Betsy gave a sideways wink and a small sigh.

"He asked for my number of course."

"Of course he did Bets'," Rogue added encouragingly, even though Betsy obviously didn't need it.

"The only downfall was I didn't get to see his eyes."

"Sunglasses?" Rogue asked, the image of this man causing a twinge of pain from her past.

"Yeah. He had a southern accent like you though Rogue."

Rogue sat up a little straighter.

She had loved a man exactly like this once.

Betsy stood up, crushing her cigarette butt with the toe of her shoe.

"So, if a guy named Remy calls, just let me know. Ok?"

Betsy turned to head back inside, not awaiting Rogue's answer, not even noticing the fear laced around Rogue's eyes.

He had always been able to read her emotions through her eyes. But, maybe he had been the only one.

Rogue didn't understand what was going on. She felt a wave of vertigo wash over her as she remembered that day, this day, nearly five years ago.

…………………………………………….

_No one is prepared for a moment like this. _

_Rogue sat stiffly against the plastic chair in the hospital. Her friend Kitty was saying something, kneeled at her feet. _

_But all Rogue could remember was the last time she saw him. A month ago. _

_Kitty tugged hard at her forearms, and Rogue snapped her eyes forward._

"_He said he wasn't sure if he loved me."_

_Kitty looked bewildered at first, but then pursed her mouth tightly, obviously trying not to cry._

"_Rogue this isn't your fault. It was his choice."_

_"He said he didn't love me," Rogue repeated._

_"He would never say a thing like that Rogue. He adored you."_

_Rogue stood up and walked a few steps forward_

_"No, I remember Kitty." Rogue spun around. "He said it was all my fault. He said- Rogue paused, as if that memory had stopped. _

_"What Rogue? What did he say?"_

_Rogue looked Kitty straight in the eye._

_"I have t'go talk to him."_

_Rogue whirled around and sped down the hospital hall. Kitty only had time to reach out one hand as she stood up, screaming._

_"NO ROGUE, WAIT!"_

_Kitty slumped in her seat, not sure what to do._

_"He's dead Rogue. Remy's dead."_

………………………………………………..

Rogue drank slowly from her glass of orange juice the next morning. She had sat outside in the rain the entire night. She stared at the phone now, unsure what to do or say to anybody.

She jumped when its shrill ring rang across the kitchen. Swallowing a couple of times, she remained grounded in her spot.

The message machine picked up. A minute of Jean's responsible voice. Beep.

"Hey guys, its Amara. I think I left my sweater at your place last night. It's a dark blue v-neck. Give me a call if you find it. Thanks."

Click. Not him.

Her throat was choking up and her nose was starting to run. It had been cold outside last night.

It had been cold outside then. She slipped down onto the kitchen tile, orange juice slopping over her bare arm.

She had felt too much back then. Now everything was resurfacing, and she realized, that maybe, she had been numb for all these years.

……………………………………..

_Rogue laughed. And it was nervous, And it was verging on crazy._

_"It's really not that funny chere." His last words were muffled as he put a cigarette in his mouth._

_"Have you always been this much o'a coward?"_

_Remy scoffed. And he looked handsome. He always did when he was angry. _

_"Tell me something chere, you always been so high maintenance?"_

"It's just like you, taking the easy way out, neveh facing up to the challenges!" Rogue inched closer, wondering if her body heat would remind him how stupid this all was. How often it happened. How everything was clearly dying.

_He threw his cigarette down on the wet ground. _

_"You were a challenge!"_

_Rogue gritted her teeth. Her heart was beating fast. She knew what was about to happen._

_"Fuck chere, I don't even know if I love you anymore."_

_Everything sorta spun around after that. Maybe they were both crazy. She leaned forward and kissed him one more time._

_Sucking away his memories. _

_He would never talk to her again after an action like this._

_And an hour later she sat on a bench, in the snow and lit up a cigarette she had stolen from his pocket, with a power she had stolen from his very soul. _

_There were these beautiful times in the morning. It was when they woke up side by side, and forgot everything. _

_The smoke rose from the cigarette and from her lips. _

_He would call her a couple of more times over the next month._

_He couldn't seem to let her go. She wouldn't answer. She couldn't live with his voice still by her side. They thought their history had created them, made them stronger, their connection unbreakable._

_Rogue laughed and watched the snow hit and dissolve against her jeans._

_She supposed life was meant for days like these. _

_There was nothing more left to save. _

_Thirty-five more days before she would be left numb, in a church, eyes frozen, no longer easy to read. _


	2. nothing left to save

**Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.**

Thanks to the reviews so far. Any questions asked will just have to be answered as the story progresses. I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense, but I usually don't anyhow.

This chapter is really going to confuse you.

…………………………………………

"Are you still drunk?"

Betsy's ever teasing tone asked from above.

Rogue looked at her surroundings, and wiped at the sticky orange juice on her arm as she slowly stood back up.

"No, I ain't," Keep it short and simple, Rogue kept repeating in her mind.

"Rogue, look," Betsy began, looking at her long fingernails on one hand. "You are usually very good at guarding your feelings. But, you live with two telepaths. And you're starting to show."

"So?" Rogue asked, dumping the rest of her juice down the drain.

"So?" Betsy repeated. 'That concerns me. You're not usually so easy to read."

Rogue rested her wrists against the counter, eyes downcast.

"I'm just tired Betsy."

"Well, it's not schoolwork, I can tell."

Rogue gave a nervous laugh and looked in Betsy's direction.

"How's that?"

Betsy placed her hands on her hips and straightened her posture with assuredness.

"There are different levels and volumes of stress. Yours reaches a much more personal level. Is it about your powers?"

Rogue gave a rye smile and pushed away from the counter.

"Betsy, it's really not that big of o'deal."

There was a pause that hung limply in the air as the two struggled for what to say next.

"Have you heard from that guy?"

Betsy arched one eyebrow.

"No."

"Hmm." Rogue muttered, avoiding eye contact. "Well, I'm going t'go take a shower."

She knew Betsy wanted to ask more questions as she left the kitchen. She knew she shouldn't have asked about Remy. She knew that keeping all of this inside of her was going to ruin her.

She turned the hot water on in her shower. And she remembered the first time, taking a shower, without him around anymore. Without the hope of him coming back.

Even the steam brought back memories. There was nowhere else she could run.

……………………………..

_Remy splattered the toothpaste on his brush as he looked nervously between the mirror, and her naked silhouette in the shower. Slowly he began to rub the bristles across his teeth. He would speak to her muffled._

_"I think I might move chere."_

_He watched her arms pause mid-air._

_"What did ya say Remy?"_

_"I'm thinkin' o'leaving. Moving to New York. I got a job there."_

_The water didn't shut off, but the curtain was pulled back, her wet hair dripping on the tile floor. But it was her eyes that always got him. _

_"I hope I heard that wrong swamp rat."_

_He tried to smile, because that usually worked. The more he fell in love with her, the easier it became for him to lie. And that scared him._

_"New York ain't far Rogue."_

_"I, uh, I guess I thought you were still plannin' on comin' with me to graduate school next year."_

_Remy nodded and spit the remaining toothpaste from his mouth, rinsing his brush, avoiding her green eyes._

_"I was. It's just…"_

_"You're restless."_

_Remy smiled. The truth was, everything was confusing him. It was much easier to blame everything on her._

_So he leaned over and kissed her. And he smiled, because that would set her at ease. And for his own selfish reasons he stripped down and joined her in the shower._

_Rogue had three more hours after their shower to feel that strange, blissful feeling love and sex can give you. But a few moments is never enough._

_He would walk out that door, and say he loved her. And say good-bye as if he were coming back. _

_Lying was what he'd been taught. Lying was what he knew._

_Rogue would cry about this. About being abandoned without notice. But when he later jumped in front of that train with no warning, she wouldn't shed a tear. _

_Not for a long time._

……………………………………………………………

Rogue stepped out of the shower and ran the towel through her wet hair. Wrapping it round her body, she exited the bathroom and roamed to her bedroom.

She closed the door behind her and felt an instant chill. Her eyes roamed the empty room with suspicion as she quietly thought how crazy she was becoming.

She moved to the dresser in the corner. The bottom drawer was open and she shut it with one toe.

Humming softly, she tried to will away the ghosts.

"Where'd this come from chere?"

Of course she heard his voice. Of course she did. But, she often heard it everywhere. It was never real.

"Rogue?"

She had a pair of green lace panties in one hand, a shirt in the other as she turned to face her delusion.

He looked so real sitting on the edge of her bed.

But not like he'd looked before. His hair was longer, pulled back. He looked thinner, but just as handsome. Eyes just as intense.

He held a white band with tiny black lettering round one finger.

Rogue swallowed. And then she stumbled forward. And then she felt her throat gag, her vision blur. She blinked and let her clothing drop from her hands as she collapsed on the floor.

………………………

The whisk of her eye lashes meshed against the blend of colors before her. She was waking up. Every thing felt soft around her.

"I thought dat might happen."

No. Absolutely not. It could not happen, not after all of these years.

"Please tell meh you ain't real."

The words barely escaped her throat as she turned her head sideways to see him sitting next to her.

"Rogue," He said wistfully, eyes downcast at the bracelet still in his hand.

She sat up straight, and quickly, banging the back of her head against the wall.

"No. No. Don't start like that. You're dead. It took meh years. But you're dead."

He looked up then. And he was so close. His eyes pleaded for forgiveness, but she had seen them like this many times. They only surfaced when he felt like his world was ending.

"Chere, there is a reason for everything. Always."

Rogue scoffed.

"You used to always say that. I hated that."

"I'm sorry chere."

"Stop calling me chere." Rogue pulled the covers up tight around her, and realized he'd stripped her of her towel. She was naked.

"Are ya really Remy LeBeau?"

"Oui."

"The same Remy LeBeau I buried years ago?"

"Non."

"Why am I naked?"

He smiled slightly and she realized it really was him.

"When you fainted, you lost your towel. Ain't nothin' I haven't seen before. But," And he looked up again, the old smirk on his face, the glint in his eyes. "You look even better Rogue, I must say."

She felt herself blush, and her temper rise as she kicked him off her bed with one foot.

"How'd you find meh?"

He tried to move back towards her, as if a bug drawn to the light. "Through your roommate Betsy. She's very guilable, as long as y'give her a little attention."

Rogue paused and felt her lower lip quiver. She had dreamed of a million times like this. Where he was still alive. And now she wished he'd just leave. Disappear.

"Rogue, dis bracelet," Remy began.

"No." Rogue put one hand in the air. "No. You tell me what happened first. Why are you here? How?"

"Rogue, you musta known somewhere. We were so close. You had to feel it."

"Feel what? That you were an asshole!" Rogue wrapped the sheets round her and jumped off the bed.

"Rogue, what we had-"

"What we had nothing Cajun!"

"Rogue-"

"You left meh Remy. And then you were dead. I had a million questions rolling round my head, and you were never there! Even when you were alive!"

He nodded slowly and moved towards the window.

"Dat's what everyone always said. And I shoulda listened." He spun around gracefully, face sad with the knowledge that they had let something wonderful die. "Is that why you ended up here?" He lifted the hospital bracelet in the air.

"I found out after you died that you were a thief." Rogue said, referring to his removing the bracelet from her bottom drawer.

"Oui."

"A thief and a liar."

"I'm truly sorry chere."

"It doesn't matter now Remy. You're apologies were never enough. And to meh your dead now anyhow."

He moved closer, inching around the bed. As long as he touched her, he always thought that would win her. It usually did. Her entire body shook in an effort to not feel him.

"I made a mistake all those years ago Rogue."

The cold ran through her bedroom window, and everything he said now reminded her of the past.

She wasn't sure he was really there.

……………………………………………………………….

_She dug through the dirt with her bare hands. It was finally warm out._

_Rogue spent most of her days wondering when she would gain the courage to truly let go. _

_She had decided years ago that true love wasn't ever really meant to be, not forever. It was too big a burden, one only few could handle and survive._

_In the end people just like to be comfortable. They needed something that was easier. _

_She dug further and further into the dirt until she had made a hole big enough for the flower._

_She patted the soil hard against the stem of the plant and sat back on her knees._

_"There you go Ms. Rogue. That looks beautiful."_

_"Beauty's a funny term huh Madeline?"_

_Rogue stared at the flower and not up at the nurse._

_"What are you thinking about now? Are those voices bothering you again?"_

_"No," Rogue whispered. "Not today."_

_Madeline murmured something else and left Rogue alone in the garden. _

_Rogue looked down at the plant. So small and secure. _

_And suddenly his hand was upon hers. _

_Rogue smiled and glanced into his warm eyes. He loved her so much. Confusion was the only thing that threatened them._

_But just as suddenly as she smiled, she ripped her hand away from his and he disappeared. _

_He was dead._

_She was fairly certain he had said he would always be there for her._

_They woke up in the mornings, and went to bed at night._

_And he always said, one hand on her naked hip, that she was his best friend._

_But he was dead. _

_And words were only words anyway._


	3. the greatest

**Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.**

Thanks to the reviews once again.

Maybe things will clear up a bit in this chapter.

If not, you'll just have to keep reading.

This chapter is a little slow. It picks up a bit next chapter, as far as the twists and turns go.

……………………………….

"I'm really here Rogue."

He was probably saying this because she was staring despondent out the window.

"Rogue, you never buried me. Did you ever see a body?"

She clicked her teeth against her tongue. Her mind was spinning. One hand clutched the sheet close to her chest.

"Your father took care o'all of that."

"Rogue," she heard him start hesitantly. "I'm part o'an organization. One I can't talk bout'."

Rogue snorted, but ignored looking to her left.

"Everything got so difficult between us chere."

"What's that supposed t'mean?" She turned now, long locks swinging against her bare neck.

"It means I thought it'd be for the best."

Rogue slammed her fist into the nearby wall, and nearly dropped the sheet covering her naked body.

"Damn it Remy. When are ya going t'stop being so selfish!"

She was fairly certain she wasn't looking at him for fear that he would really become real again.

She felt him move closer, too close really.

"It was my father's choice. We had to make me disappear."

Remy rested one hand on her bare shoulder, and she felt her knees buckle. Shaking, she started to cry, her empty hand rising to her face, covering her distorted features.

"I did it for my family chere."

He pulled her into a tight hug then, and she was too weak to push him away. And he felt the same. All she could do was rest her head against his chest and cry.

………………………………………….

_Rogue sat crying in the bathroom stall. Naturally this was what was supposed to happen, He was leaving._

_The blood kept running, and she was afraid to go back to her classroom._

_She knew what this was._

_The truth was she wasn't sure what she would have done._

_She loved Remy, more than she should. More than she loved herself. _

_That love kind of love cannot possibly expect reciprocation._

_So, she was twenty-one years old, and fairly certain she'd already made a lifetime of mistakes. _

…………………………………………

Her tears soaked into his shirt, and she felt his hand run through her hair, up her neck. Just like he always used to do.

Except he never used to have time for her tears.

He used to walk away from them.

"Why'd you come back now Remy?"

It was barely audible. And she clenched his sides as hard as she could.

"T'see if I could alter my mistakes."

She pulled away then, and partially collapsed, before picking herself back up.

"Remy," she breathed.

"I know I hurt you. I know you thought I was dead."

Rogue picked up the throw pillow at her side and hurled it at him. He dodged it easily.

"You were dead! I died!"

His chin shook then, and she swore he would cry.

"I never loved anyone else Rogue."

"So what!" Rogue threw one hand into the air.

He didn't dare take a step close to her.

"Rogue, I've been around death all my life-"

"But ya never lost someone you loved like meh."

He shook his head silently, auburn hair washing across his eyes.

"Non."

"It's different Remy. It's a different sort of death."

"I know Rogue. But I left for New York. I naively thought you would stop thinkin' bout' me."

Rogue covered her eyes and ran a hand through her hair.

"You shoulda written me a note. Given me a clue you were still alive."

"Shoulda chere."

"Remy," Rogue looked at him with every ounce her heart could give. "You and I were lucky. Our love was hard, but it was real."

"I know, dat's why I'm back here."

"No." Rogue put one hand in the air. "It doesn't work like that."

There was a long pause as a thousand terrible realizations were made between them. You could feel the tension that may have been love.

"Please leave Remy."

He nodded, his red eyes glinting with disappointment, but said nothing.

And he was gone. Again.

……………………………….

_Rogue loaded a third packet of sugar into her coffee just as Kitty joined her table._

_"Ugh, sorry Rogue. Class got out late."_

_Rogue made no attempt to remove the big round shades from her eyes as she shrugged at Kitty's comment._

_"So." Kitty let her words drag out for emphasis. "What's up?"_

_Rogue scratched her chin, barely touching her skin. The movement was just a distraction. She sipped her coffee._

_"I don't really know how to say this Kitty."_

_"Um," Kitty swallowed, leaning forward in her chair. "You're gonna have to try, because you're scaring me a little."_

_Rogue nodded but didn't say anything._

_"Just use words."_

_Rogue shot Kitty an annoyed glance. _

_"That's helpful Kit." Slowly, Rogue sighed and removed her sunglasses._

_Kitty's foot began to tap._

_"I'm pregnant Kitty."_

_Kitty's jaw twitched, eyes frozen, staring some place else. "Uh-huh."_

_"Uh-huh." Rogue repeated._

…………………………………………….

Rogue slipped on a form fitting, long sleeved dress, and wrapped a loosely hung belt around her hips.

She looked at herself in the mirror, and felt everything spin around her for a second.

She wondered if she had imagined that entire scene.

She had done that before.

She would go downstairs. She would see if the other girls had seen him. She would find out if she was crazy.

She saw Betsy first, and the young woman arched her brows and crossed her arms.

"Well, it seems Remy went through me to get to you."

Betsy smiled then.

But Rogue didn't.

She moved cautiously into the living room. He was sitting on the arm of the couch.

A wave of confusion swept over Rogue, as she remembered an evening of stars and dark skies. Of love she supposed.

"I can't leave yet chere."

Her shoulders slumped. She wasn't sure she could handle this.

"Just give me one hour."

He wasn't looking at Betsy or Jean in the corner.

Just staring at her.

"This better not be another one o'your games Remy," Rogue whispered softly.

"We're past dat point Rogue."

He slipped off the couch and took one step forward before freezing and glancing at Betsy.

"It's not dat easy."

Rogue had never seen Betsy look so off balance, her eyes wide.

"What?" She asked, confusion and rage now slightly filling her eyes.

"To read my mind."

Betsy kept her lips tight as she examined him.

"Yes. Just like Rogue."

Rogue knew her roommates wanted to know what was going on.

But, so did she.

"Let's go Remy. Make this quick."

Not a flicker of emotional change. He still had the perfect poker face.

Her heart said yes.

Her head said no.

But she walked out the door with him anyway.

…………………………………………………

As they walked across the front lawn, the rainwater in the grass began to soak through Rogue's boots.

"I hate the cold," Rogue stated quietly.

Remy smiled softly.

"No one knows the cold better den me chere."

She smelt the cigarette smoke waft towards her, and looked towards him.

Really looked.

"You always thought your problems were bigger than everyone's else's Remy." He didn't say anything or look at her. Just inhaled and exhaled.

"I've learned how t'deal with my own problems now. You never had the time or interest."

Remy nodded this time.

"I know you think I ain't being fair," Rogue looked forward, and felt a sprinkle of rain hit her nose.

"When I was a little girl Remy, I was going t'be something great."

Remy looked at her. "You are something great Rogue."

Rogue shook her head vigorously. "Something greater. The greatest Remy." They were on the sidewalk now, and she realized they didn't have a destination. "I thought you were part of that equation."

"You thought I'd make you great?"

"Yes," Rogue whispered. "To the point where I stopped thinkin' bout myself."

She looked at him, and they both stopped. Eyes wide. Green versus red. Opposites on the color wheel. Opposites in life.

"You were the greatest to me swamp rat. I almost disappeared."

"Rogue." His words caught mid-air, his lips parted, but nothing was said. He looked frozen, almost afraid. "I thought about you every day chere. Every fucking day."

"Yeah." It wasn't a question, but her eyes were challenging. "Well, I visited your grave every week. I put flowers on my lover's grave." Rogue's full lips paused, eyes moving to the ground. "And one day I looked up, and the sun was shining for the first time in a month. I cried Remy. And I continued to cry for a long time."

"I know."

Rogue looked up, startled. Water was beginning to form, ready to spill down her cheeks. "What?"

"I watched you from time t'time. Couldn't help it."

"Couldn't help it?" Her voice was rising, her fists clenching.

"I love you Rogue. I missed being close t'you."

She was hyperventilating. So close to screaming.

"How close did y'get to me?"

She wanted desperately for him to say that he was at a great distance. A place she would never have noticed.

"A breath away chere."

"What? Ho-ow?" She stuttered because everything had begun to spin again.

"You weren't lookin' for me chere. You thought I was dead."

Her entire face contorted with anger, her chest unsure of its own heartbeat, racing up and down.

"I didn't think you were dead Remy." She spoke the words slow.

His eyes shifted.

"I saw ya places you shouldn't – no couldn't a'been."

"Oh."

Yes, he realized now.

"Dat's why you were at dat Xavier Institute?"

Rogue swallowed and she knew her knees would give away any second and she would collapse on the street. So she began to take a few steps backwards. His eyes followed her movements.

"Rogue, please," He began, one hand reaching out.

She sucked in every beautiful feature of his face. The memories that were implanted on every inch of skin. She still remembered every detail.

But there were times when you had to let things go.

Even if it was a perfect fit.

Un-freezing the moment, Rogue turned and ran.

Tears hit her face, the wind holding them in place.

When she was a little girl she had wanted to be the greatest. She was running from something now that had both poisoned and given her life.

The only thing she felt right now was her heart dividing itself.

There was nothing great about it.

………………………………………..

Author's note: Here are a few pointers. If you don't want them, don't read on:

Remy is alive. He is NOT a figment of her imagination.

If you didn't catch it this chapter, Rogue had a miscarriage. I watched a girl have a miscarriage at school, in a public bathroom a month ago. It was heartbreaking.

Everything else will just have to be weaved out in the story. Although, it should be much clearer from here on out.


	4. melt me down

**Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.**

Thanks to the reviewers!

……………………………..

_Remy knew that what he was in the process of doing was ruining his entire life._

_He glanced in their front window. He watched her sit, eyes unblinking, coffee cup in hand._

_She was beautiful._

_Had he not been born into this life, he would have had a chance._

_He looked to the gutter pipe that ran up the height of the house. He climbed with silent movements._

_Their relationship was never supposed to get this far. Remy had held off as long as he could with this plan._

_But if he held off any longer, it would be hard for him to stay alive._

_Remy moved agile to the nearby second floor window. There was a tiny balcony meant only for plants that he had used many times. _

_The window was open. It was cold out and he was surprised. Grabbing the brick ledge above the window, he swung himself into the dark room._

_He wished that what he needed had been located somewhere else._

_Not her room._

_Remy moved on swift feet to a mirror in the corner of the room. It was antique, and by pressing three buttons on the side hard enough, it would reveal a safe behind it. Rogue had never discovered this. _

_As his fingers glided round the dial of the safe, his other hand reached behind and blocked the arm from the woman behind him. _

_Swinging around, Remy twisted her into a cornered position. She looked average, an older blond woman with a few strands of gray._

_He could feel her smile despite not being able to see her face._

_Slowly her skin turned blue, her hair red, and in a matter of seconds she was out of his grasp._

_She pulled a small gun from her boot and pointed to towards his heart._

_"Glad to see you're still alive. Making my daughter suffer downstairs."_

_"Your daughter doesn't even know who you really are," Remy smirked as he looked her up and down. He had heard about Mystique, but had yet to see her true form._

_"Apparently she didn't really know who you were Remy."_

_Remy's hands were in the air as a sign of peace. _

_"You did though, didn't you Mystique?"_

_She gave a guttural laugh, a look of bemusement on her face._

_"Every thief knows the name LeBeau. But I had you checked out when you started dating my daughter. Nothing came up."_

_"De Thieves Guild did a good job o'covering it up."_

_His eyes never once looked towards the gun. They remained on her yellow eyes with a sense of calm reserved only for those not afraid to die._

_"That man at your funeral wasn't your real father." It wasn't a question. This woman wasn't stupid. _

_Remy simply smiled. _

_"You're Jean Luc's son?"_

_Remy parted his lips, unsure how to respond to favor his position. _

_"Oui."_

_She faltered then, he watched her arm start to lower, but just as quickly it was steady again._

_"Prince of Thieves." She smiled genuinely then. _

_"Y'gonna shoot me now?"_

_"I was very close to your father Remy. A long time ago. Just tell me why you want the disc in the safe."_

_"Dere's a price on my head. If I don't get dat to de man I owe, den I'm as good as dead."_

_"There's important information on that disc Remy. Do you even know what's on it?"_

_"Not exactly. Ain't my problem."_

_Mystique gave a loud sigh, and lowered the gun._

_"I can break into nearly any facility Mystique. You don't let me take it now, I'll just steal it later." _

_He had such arrogance. A smile that could charm anybody, one that had infected her daughter and left her in ruins downstairs._

_"I'll give you the disc Remy. Just leave Rogue alone. Let her believe you are dead. Forever."_

_Remy's eyes sweltered, changing to a more orangish color. She had hit the only soft spot Remy had ever known. _

_He pursed his lips, but turned around and opening the safe, grabbed the disc._

_"Rogue won't ever see me again."_

_Mystique smiled, as if she had been proven right. She put the gun back into her boot and morphed back into the mother figure Rogue had known._

_She stopped a short distance from the doorway._

_"I've been alive a long time Remy. I've seen love at all different angles. Yours only took you as far as it would service you."_

_Remy nodded._

_"I love Rogue, always will."_

_Mystique looked him in the eye, standing still._

_"No Remy, you love yourself."_

_She left the room, and Remy looked down at the disc in his hand. His fake death would save his life. But it would destroy Rogue's. _

_Remy's eyes turned cold as he walked to the window._

_Mystique was right._

…………………………………………………

Rogue went straight to her room when she got home, thankful not to run into the girls on the way.

She sat on her bed, and looked at her cell phone. Slowly she picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Mom?"

"Rogue, I haven't heard from you in awhile sweetie."

"Mom, Remy's alive." She spit it out because she didn't know what else to do.

There was a silent static on the other end.

"Rogue, are you having visions again?"

Rogue tried to stay calm as she thought of throwing the phone against the wall.

"No mom. You can even talk to Betsy or Jean. He showed up here. They saw him too."

"Is he there now?"

"No."

"Rogue," her mother paused. "Why don't I come up for a visit? Help you through this."

Rogue felt her eyes watering, and she muffled her next response.

"That'd be good."

……………………………………..

When Mystique hung up at the other end she was fuming.

Not only had Remy disobeyed her direct request, he had given the disc to the last person on earth who should have had it.

Maybe she had been wrong about Remy's love.

But she doubted it.

He was back on his own agenda. People don't change.

Mystique opened a trunk from her closet and pulled out her old uniform.

There had been days, long past, when mutants had led a much different life. Now she was being forced to re-open old wounds.

……………………………………………….

_They were lying in a field. _

_This was their pastime. Although she supposed it had been many couple's._

_They were waiting for it to get dark enough to see the first stars. _

_Tonight was a night of shooting stars. It was August, warm and sure._

_"You know, we should probably get to Ororo's show."_

_Rogue pressed herself closer to Remy._

_"We haven't even seen one star yet."_

_He leaned over and kissed her forehead._

_"We can do this any day chere."_

_Rogue nodded, mostly to herself as she stood up with Remy and he shook out the blanket._

_"You don't get too many nights with this many shooting stars you know."_

_"We should support our friend though Rogue."_

_She didn't feel like arguing, so she took his hand and they walked back to the car._

_"You really need to start feeling comfortable around dese people Rogue."_

_He was referring to his friends._

_They acted more sophisticated than everyone else. Really, they seemed to try too hard, as Remy was doing more and more these days._

_The car ride was silent, and the walk into the bar washed a disconnected feeling over Rogue as she felt Remy's hand slip from hers to greet his friends._

_Ororo was already at the piano. It was the only part of the night Rogue would enjoy. She had a beautiful voice. _

_Her songs had a sense of melancholy about them. Ororo was a happy woman, and her songs surprised Rogue._

_Rogue sat at the booth, on the edge, with the rest of Remy's friends. She ignored their unimpressive banter and watched Ororo sing._

_Remy would ignore her the rest of the night. It was how it always was. Sometimes he would put an arm around her shoulder. He would buy all of her drinks._

_But she was more like his doll than his girlfriend._

_So Rogue looked disenchanted at Ororo, and felt like she might cry. The piano was seeping into her heart, taking Remy's place._

_He would never notice. He should have felt his heart twitch, like hers was. _

_She had hoped to tell him tonight, under the stars that she was pregnant._

_And that she was scared. That she didn't know if she could keep it._

_He would hug her. His eyes would water with empathy and happiness._

_But Remy wasn't that man. She lived in another world, in another relationship when she was left alone to her thoughts. _

_Everything had been dissolving around her lately. _

_She was so scared, and she gulped down her gin tonic like water. _

_The piano lifted up and down, it's rhythm spiraling Rogue's emotions._

_One week later, Remy would leave her._

_Five days after that she would miss carry._

_And he would never know. Not one detail._


	5. ending it all for the world

**Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.**

Thanks to my reviewers! Some of you had a lot of questions, but really they can only be answered as the story progresses. And some of them can't be answered at all. The only thing I can say is that love is a strange thing…

Note: Rogue does not have her flying and super strength abilities in this alternate universe.

Also, I've been having some issues uploading my chapters, which is why the last one took a bit longer….so if there is a delay, that's why…

………………………………………….

She decided to let the tears fall.

They were sort of stifled. She let one hand cover half her face. Nobody was watching, but she felt eyes upon her anyhow.

She had lived her best life alone. Sure, it had been lonely, but it had never hurt this intensely. Not with the same disappointment lovers, friends and family brought.

Alone, you distinguished everything.

Absentmindedly she remembered a time with Remy. A time, so romantic, so unbelievable, that she had believed it. It was a time when she thought they would be together forever.

A time of talk of soulmates, and marriage and love.

She sat at a couch in the corner of her room, where the windows couldn't see her.

Crying for a past that had broken her heart.

……………………………………..

_"What d'ya think o'Italy chere?"_

_His arm was around her. They sat on the deck of her house. _

_"Italy? For what?"_

_She felt him shrug against her body. _

_"I'd like t'travel wit' you Rogue. I could see us livin' in Italy. On the beach, in the water every day."_

_"That sounds too romantic for me Cajun. I'm a simple girl."_

_He laughed casually. "You ain't simple Rogue. You're so far from it."_

_"Well, Italy sounds wonderful, but we can't afford it."_

_There was a pause. She felt she might fall asleep in his arms. Such comfort._

_"I can afford it."_

_Rogue laughed softly. _

_"For both of us."_

_Rogue leaned her head against his shoulder._

_"We'd drive each other crazy Remy."_

_He gave a loud sigh. "There are so many things I only want t'do with you chere. And one o'them includes travelin' to Italy."_

_Rogue could feel herself edging off towards sleep, so she murmured quietly in response. _

_She heard him mumbling about her being the only one, about her being his everything, his soulmate. _

_She smiled, and this was what made her feel comfortable._

_Yet, it was so false._

_Who could really make promises as big as that?_

………………………………………..

"You probably shouldn't cry over this man."

Her mother's voice seemed sharper than usual. Rogue almost didn't recognize it.

"What? Mom," She was cut off, as her mother entered her bedroom and shut the door.

"I was hoping I could go my entire life without telling you this Rogue."

Her mother sat carefully on the edge of Rogue's bed.

"What do ya mean mom?"

Rogue moved closer to the end of the couch, wiping away the tears.

"Rogue, I'm a mutant as well." Mystique was never one to beat around the bush.

Rogue laughed, because she didn't feel like dealing with more than one case of dishonesty in one day.

"I'm serious Rogue," Mystique said through gritted teeth. And with that she slowly molded into her birth given form.

Rogue felt her heart stop for the second time in one day.

"Why would you keep this hidden mom?"

"Because Rogue, my name is Mystique, and I was part of the mutant rebellion that fought for mutant equality all those years ago."

Rogue looked perplexed.

"Well, that just makes you a hero, not something to hide from."

Mystique crossed one skin-tight navy blue panted leg over the other.

"I was also a thief and a spy."

"Uh-huh," Rogue said, nodding.

"If I lived in my true form, I would be constantly hunted." Mystique paused, face contemplating something. "By many people, come to think of it."

"So, why are you here now, like this? What does it have to do with Remy?"

She shuddered at his name, but tried to remain calm around her mother.

"Remy is a thief too Rogue. Of the highest order. He is son to Jean Luc LeBeau, head of the New Orleans Thieves Guild. One day he will be destined to take his father's place. His death was staged because he too was being hunted. And because he needed to return home."

Rogue let her head fall backwards into the plush cushions.

"I don't believe this. It's like some sorta movie."

"Well, there's more, so you better start breathing."

Rogue sat up straight, unfamiliar with this colder version of her mother.

"I didn't know who Remy really was until I found him in our house just days after his fake death. He took something with him. And he gave it to someone extremely dangerous."

"Mom, I'm just a college student. You've got a gun around your hip and you're wearing spandex. I don't even know how ta process this."

"This isn't your battle sweetie. I just need Remy." Mystique looked saddened briefly, before her yellow eyes covered it up with mystery. "And I wanted you to know the truth. About everything."

Rogue nodded, but her limbs felt numb. Everything had just stopped trying.

"What are ya gonna do with Remy?"

"You don't need to worry about that Rogue."

Mystique stood up and morphed back into the form Rogue was familiar with.

"You just pretend like he's dead. Get on with your life."

Mystique walked over and kissed Rogue on the forehead.

She left as quickly as she had come, and Rogue couldn't move at all.

………………………………………………

_Rogue watched him leave and wondered why he had loved her at all._

_She got up slowly, and walked to the kitchen. But nothing was the same. Not even the counters felt real._

_She put one hand to her stomach, rubbing it slowly._

_What a fool she had been._

…………………………………

_Remy walked down the hallway, eyes stern._

_He had been secretly searching for a girl like Rogue for ages. And now, after all this time together, he had to leave._

_It was a mistake, sure. _

_But he had been born into something that he couldn't change. _

_He was a thief. _

_He pulled out a vial, and took one pill. He had traded in a normal life for this, for the control of his powers. For his soul and his decisions. _

_As he stepped outside into the rain, he lit a cigarette with the tip of his finger. It sizzled and the paper dampened. His hair matted against his face. _

_He held an orange lily in one hand. Rogue had insisted he take it with him. _

_Slowly he let it drop. He could not take reminders with him._

_As beautiful as most of them were._

……………………………………………….

Rogue stood up suddenly. Her mother had only left seconds ago.

She pulled on her boots and ran.

She knew where Remy would go. She couldn't find her mother, but she could find him.

It always seemed to be raining here. And this time it was harder. She was sure it was trying to tell her something.

She just kept running, and wished she could fly.

Her belt slammed against one hip, and her hair kept blowing into her mouth.

Everything in this area was so close to everything else.

She stopped at one street corner, and rested one hand against a metal pole.

Looking up, rain wetting her face, she looked at the bus 84 symbol.

…………………………………………..

_Rogue stood apart from the crowd and watched people throw flowers into the deep pit. Rogue had an orange lily in her hand, but was too afraid to let it go._

_She wasn't crying, but the words people spoke made her want to._

_She thought if she looked down at the grass she might be able to pretend she was somewhere else._

_She was wearing black, and she hated black. She was black and orange with the lily, and she hated Halloween. _

_Her knees began to wobble and shake, and she just kept staring._

_She felt someone's hand rest on her shoulder, and pat it comfortingly. She knew it was Kitty._

_She just kept staring._

_She did it because nobody leaves this life by choice. Not when they have someone they love. _

_She was beginning to think that love was a ridiculous notion they had both played. _

_People began to walk past her. _

_Once everyone was gone she walked to the gaping hole and stared down at the wooden casket. _

_She threw the orange lily inside, her lips tight in anger._

_It was consumed by the barrage of other flowers. _

_But it was the only orange one._

…………………………………………………..

Rogue stepped off the bus twenty minutes later. The wind whipped her face harder as the door shut behind her.

Her first steps were tentative, but then she began to run again.

She was so close now that her heart began to beat, not from running, but from not knowing.

She hit the pavement of the small parking lot and jumped over a tiny wooden fence. There wasn't a single car at the park.

And she could see the field now.

And she could see the figure standing there.

So she slowed her pace, her entire body trembling.

It was cloudy, not a good day for stars. Not a good day for much.

His hair blew frantically, and she liked it longer.

She knew him. And she knew he knew she was there.

The cigarette flicked from his stretched out left hand, and blew westward with the wind.

He was turning now, around, in her direction.

And he wore that coat he always had worn.

The feelings that had left all those years ago suddenly came flooding back, and she ran into his arms.

His hands swept up her face and he kissed her.

This was the only kiss that deserved to be called a kiss.

One hand stayed on her cheek as he pulled back to look at her.

Beauty and silence.

And then the cocking of a gun.

The shot sailed through the wind.

A loud bang.


	6. it's all for the best

**Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine**.

Thanks to my reviewers! Roguechere, I will write when my stories end from now on…I can see how it might get confusing.

………………………………..

Remy clutched Rogue firmly to his body, making her blind to their attacker. She tried to shrug away.

"You broke your promise LeBeau."

Remy smiled and loosened his grip around Rogue, allowing her turn around.

Mystique stood several yards away, the gun aiming for the sky. Slowly she lowered it, pointing it in their direction.

"It was your own fault Mystique, takin' de word of a thief."

Rogue pushed away from Remy, and took several steps towards her mother.

She looked between them.

"I know why you came back here," Mystique said, taking one step closer, the gun never wavering.

"Dat so?"

Remy didn't even blink. Rogue felt invisible.

"Yes. You needed a place to hide."

Remy straightened his shoulders and crossed his arms, briefly glancing at Rogue.

"Mom," Rogue put one hand in the air, towards Mystique. "Can you just put that gun down?"

Mystique never even looked towards Rogue. "I'm not going to shoot you with it Rogue."

Remy smirked.

And then he blinked.

Mystique's gun began to glow pink with kinetic energy. Quickly she threw it in the air and watched it explode. She shot Remy a look, ready to pounce.

"Stop it!" Rogue yelled, stretching both arms out between them. "Nobodies killing anybody here."

Mystique and Remy paused, staying alert.

"You're gonna tell me what's going on."

Mystique placed her hands on her hips haughtily. "I'd love to hear what Remy has to say."

"Course you would," Remy breathed, pulling a cigarette from his pocket.

"We shouldn't stay out in the open like this," Mystique gestured around the field.

Rogue opened her mouth to ask why, but Remy's gloved hand put a finger to her lips.

"She's right chere. I'm a wanted man."

Rogue nodded and the three preceded towards the children's portion of the park. They all sat as far as they could from one another on a picnic bench.

"This isn't much better," Mystique said wryly.

Remy exhaled from his cigarette. "Well, we could all hop on my motorcycle."

"Okay, no more bickerin'," Rogue rested her elbows on the table. "What's going on here?"

"First I need to know who you gave that disc to," Mystique said, leaning forward.

Remy just smiled and smoked his cigarette, a glint of amusement in his eye.

"Dat was nearly five years ago Mystique. What does it matter?"

"I thought you knew who he gave the disc to?" Rogue interrupted.

"No. I just know where it ended up."

"It ended up in the government's hand two months ago. And I had nothin' t'do wit' it." Remy flicked the cigarette to the ground and put his sunglasses on.

"What was on the disc?" Rogue asked.

Remy looked away, but with his eyes now covered, his emotions were completely hidden.

"A list of every known living mutant, as of about six years ago."

"Where did a list like that come from?"

"From Charles Xavier," Mystique spoke slowly.

"Xavier?" Rogue whispered.

Her thoughts reverted to a time of cherry blossoms, warm water and white walls.

A past that as lovely as it sounded, she wished only to erase.

………………………

_"Rogue?"_

_Rogue turned her head slowly towards the professor._

_"Are you listening to me?"_

_"Yes. Are you listening to me?"_

_Xavier smiled in understanding._

_"I think you have progressed very quickly."_

_Rogue pulled on the cord that controlled the blinds. _

_"Do you like flowers Professah?"_

_She couldn't see his expression now, because her full attention was out the window. It was sunny and light, and seemingly free._

_"Yes, I do Rogue."_

_"Well, I don't. I hate them."_

_Rogue swung her legs around, and off the window-side seat. _

_She had bright green eyes. So bright, they gave away all of her intentions._

_There wasn't really a way the professor could respond to her statement. And as she left the session and wandered outside, she began to smile. _

_It was her first real smile in two years. _

_Her heart had started to beat slowly again._

………………………………….

"So, if you didn't give it to the government, who did you give it to?"

Remy laughed and nodded his head back and forth.

"If I tell you, you might know who's chasin' me."

"So?" Mystique asked, her annoyance clear.

"You aren't here because you love me, are you Remy?"

Rogue's question cut through the air like a knife. You could hear children playing just two feet away, and it countered everything.

"I could be dead any day now Rogue. I wanted you to know de truth. Dat I've always loved you."

"What, you want her to experience your death twice?" Mystique's voice was bitter, and her long nails had begun to tap against the wood.

"Dis would be a lot easier if you weren't here," Remy spat.

"Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing," Mystique retorted.

"Just tell me who's after you Remy. What did you do?"

Remy looked to Rogue, then to Mystique.

"I gave de disc to a man named Nathanial Essex."

Mystique froze, her nails stopped a centimeter from the table top.

"You gave it to Sinister?"

"Don't tell me a woman like you has never sold her soul before?"

"Never." Mystique said through clenched teeth. "Especially not to the devil."

Remy smiled and took off his glasses, revealing his red eyes once again.

"To some Mystique, I am de devil."

"So the massacre was your fault?"

"Massacre?" Rogue questioned, eyeing Remy, whose long bangs were blowing slightly around his eyes.

"I tried t'stop it," Remy said wistfully. "Sinister had been building a small army of mutants he considered powerful. I never met them, but he wanted me to lead them. I refused."

"And now you're being hunted?"

"I guess you could say that."

"Well, I don't need to hear the rest of the story," Mystique said, standing up. "You'd have to be an idiot to deal with Sinister."

"Where are you going mom?"

"Back to an old life." Mystique turned towards Remy. "Try to stay away from my daughter after this Remy. You've said what you had to say."

Mystique looked between her daughter and the man she would love nothing more than to kill.

But she was a firm believer in making your own choices.

Once she had left, Rogue turned back to Remy.

"So what's the rest?"

"De rest o'what chere?" That dangerous, cold tone Rogue had become familiar with towards the end of their relationship surfaced again, as he looked down at his pack of cigarettes.

Rogue slid off the bench and began walking through the grass.

She felt his hand around her arm just five feet from the bench.

"Wait chere."

His voice was warm against her ear. But she tugged her arm away from his touch anyway.

"For what Remy?"

She looked at his eyes, his hands, surprisingly shaking as he played still with the cigarette carton.

"I don't deserve anything from you Rogue. But the rest o'my story doesn't matter. Please, I can't have you walk away just yet."

"I should leave Remy." She heard the logical words leave her lips, but her feet didn't move. His hand was in her hair again.

He didn't kiss her, he just took her hand and led her back to his motorcycle.

……………………………….

Rogue woke up naked beneath her white sheets. She stretched slightly and rolled to her right. It was empty, but she could hear Remy in the bathroom.

She smiled, and knew she was getting herself in trouble.

But, after all these years, they still fit perfect. His touch still thrilled her.

She rolled back over to hug her pillow, and opened her mouth to scream.

A large hand covered her mouth, and silenced her scream. His beady black eyes gleamed at her, smiling at her bare skin.

"Hey there sweetie. Why don't you stay quiet until Remy leaves the bathroom?"

Rogue narrowed her eyes, and mentally switched her powers back on.

She watched his eyes get large as the life was sucked from his very soul.

Once he had landed on her floor, she jumped from her bed and grabbed her clothes.

"Remy!"

She could hear his voice mumbling to hold on as she quickly dressed herself and ran towards her bathroom.

"Going somewhere dear?"

Rogue cringed and began to swoon, as a vibrating pulse began to set her body on fire with dizziness. She turned enough to see the blond haired woman laughing.

Rogue fell to her knees as Remy emerged from the bathroom, a lit up soap bottle in his hands. He was shirtless, only wearing a pair of black sweatpants, and he hurled the bottle at the woman, as he too covered his head with his hands and fell to his knees.

The woman dodged the bottle, but the kinetic explosion sent her flying forward.

Remy grabbed Rogue by the arm and they ran into the hallway. Betsy and Jean were just outside, perplexed looks on their faces.

"We all need to leave." Remy looked towards Rogue. "Take her with you wherever you go." He pushed her towards Betsy and Jean as the four began to run for the front door.

"What!" Rogue screamed. "I'm coming with you sugah."

"It's too dangerous Rogue," Remy shouted sternly.

"I don't care!"

Betsy and Jean jumped into a blue sedan parked on the sidewalk. Remy tried ushering Rogue into the back seat.

The knife shot into her left shoulder blade with full force. Rogue screamed and slumped against the car. Remy held her side and looked behind them.

Another man, with longer hair stood smiling from the front door.

"Here, take my keys," Betsy shoved her car keys into Remy's palm. "It's the black car in front of Jean's. Meet us at 4401 SW Washington."

Remy nodded and lifted Rogue into his arms, running for the car. A harpoon went shooting behind him. He set Rogue in the front seat, and jumped over the hood of the car.

The girls sped past them, and he followed right behind. He eyed his rearview mirror, but there wasn't a soul in sight.

"Rogue?"

There was blood all over the car seat, but she sat calm, hand around the knife and the wound.

"I'm still here Remy."

His hand reached for her empty one, and she squeezed it back.

"This is the life I never wanted you to see chere."

Rogue could barely nod in response.

"I know Remy."

Her head went back against the seat, her eyes rolling back, her muscles going limp. She could feel Remy tugging at her arm, as she fell slowly into darkness.


	7. don't wear me down

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

I should probably clarify something. This isn't really a mushy love story. Sometimes love is sick, sometimes it's pure, sometimes it's both. Rogue and Remy were designed to make you believe in the idea of a soulmate. And sometimes, well, that's just a dangerous notion. This is a story of hope though. It's amazing what people can survive.

Thanks to my reviewers! And sorry for the delay on the posting of this chapter…

……………………………….

Her hair was wet and matted against her skin with sweat. Remy carried her in his arms, his bare chest covered with her blood.

He walked barefoot along the sidewalk, and he wasn't sure how fast or slow he was moving. And then Jean was by his side, her telekinesis removing Rogue from his arms.

Remy looked up at the brick building. Betsy and Jean were already inside. The blood was rushing down to his toes, and he let it fall heavy back down.

His hair fell before his eyes, and he walked forward. One step. Two.

"Rogue's in good hands Remy."

Remy looked up to see Betsy, calm, arms crossed in front of him.

"And we have plenty of time to hear your story."

Remy looked hazily around the room.

"Where's dat red head?"

"Jean is with Dr. McCoy."

Remy slumped over to a nearby couch and collapsed. The only thing making him tired was Rogue's blood. Everywhere. All over his body.

Remy looked out from behind a tired hand, peaking through his spread fingers in annoyance. Betsy was watching him, waiting.

"Rogue's a girl I loved and lost. End o'story."

"Uh-huh," Betsy said, taking a step forward. "And that group of mutants who attacked us? They have no story?"

"Not dat you would understand petit," Remy snapped, dropping his hand to his side.

"Try me Remy. I'm a telepath," Betsy slinked over to the couch and sat on the arm, "I've listened to people's darkest secrets."

"Look," Remy seethed quietly, red eyes piercing dangerously. "The second I find out Rogue's okay, I'm leaving. Dat group o'mutants won't bother you again."

"You'll leave Rogue here?"

"Yes," Remy replied sternly.

Jean came out from a side hallway door just then, her hands preoccupied with a wet rag. She walked towards them, high heels echoing against the silent lobby.

She looked at the blood splattered against Remy's bare chest.

"You should get yourself cleaned up Remy," she said quietly.

"Is she okay?" Remy stood up, a foot taller than Jean, his eyes suddenly softer.

"Yes. She'll be fine. She'd like to see you." Jean turned back around. "I'll show you where you can clean yourself up first."

The journey upstairs was silent. Jean didn't ask one question. Remy was grateful for that.

She led him into a large white bathroom, and pointed out the cupboard with extra clothing and towels.

Remy thanked her, and shut the door. He looked at the full-wall mirror and let a large breath escape his chest.

The blood had begun to dry and crack. He grabbed a washcloth from the closet and with warm water and soap tried to scrub Rogue off of him.

The knock was soft and unsure. He knew it must be her.

He opened the door. She stood there, hair swept back, dressed in a tank top and sweatpants. Her arm and shoulder were bandaged up like a mummy.

"You okay chere?" Remy breathed, one hand resting on the door.

Her eyes were wide, and slowly they began to relax as she took a step forward into his arms.

He grabbed her tight, shutting the door behind her, and pulled her close. She held him with the only arm she could.

"I know you're gonna leave Remy."

Remy pulled back slowly and grabbed the washcloth again, resuming his cleaning.

"Rogue the people after me are dangerous. I have t'leave."

"Then you shouldn't have come back at all."

Remy paused and looked sideways at her.

"You mean that chere?"

"Yes."

Remy moved back towards the closet and pulled out a black shirt. There was a strange logo, consisting of only an X on the left breast. Remy slipped it on.

"I just felt it was something I had to do Rogue."

"You did it more to ease your conscience than mine."

Remy looked at her, bandaged and broken because of him.

"I did it to let you know I love you Rogue. And always have."

Rogue stepped aside from the doorway.

"Well, good job Remy. Now why don't you just go off and die again, let me feel that all over again."

Her hand swept out in a large gesture, her eyes challenging him.

It was a strange moment. He felt they had done this before, this dance without words or song.

He put one hand around her waist and tugged her close again.

"What if I don't leave?"

"If you don't leave now, you'll only leave later," Rogue whispered.

Rogue's eyes were downcast, and Remy lowered in for a kiss.

It was soft and final. Because of course Remy had to leave.

……………………………………………………

_There was one more part to this story. _

_Rogue collapsed to her knees, her bones hitting the dull wood of the dock over the lake. Someone was yelling her name from far away._

_She rubbed her eyes slowly. She was in a summer dress, and the slight wind blew at the light layers. _

_There was some kind of party._

_She had seen Remy in the crowd. He had been dead for months. But she had seen him. _

_And it wasn't the first time._

_The yelling was getting closer. Rogue could feel tears rolling down her cheek. Weakly, she stood up, wobbling a bit on her high heels._

_"Rogue!"_

_Rogue swung her head around, her long curls swirling in the wind. _

_She smiled. _

_Her smile stopped Kitty at the edge of the lake._

_And then Rogue jumped. _

_And she let herself sink, because she didn't feel like fighting the ghosts._

…………………………………….

Remy opened the bathroom door and the hard barrel of a gun pressed into his forehead. There was a click as the man before him smiled.

"Time to stop running cowboy."

Remy smiled back.

"Gonna shoot me?"

"Much as I'd love to, Essex wants you alive."

The slight pause that followed was enough for Remy to swoop to the side and knock the gun from the man's hand. Remy back-fisted him to the nose before side kicking him into the hallway. The man slammed against the wall, wiping away a bit of blood from his nose.

Remy moved to pick up the gun, but his hand stopped an inch away. He looked up at the surrounding team, every member pointing a gun directly at him.

Once again Remy smiled.

"Guess you caught me."

"You put up a good fight," the blond woman said, moving into the bathroom and grabbing Rogue by the shirt.

"Leave her here. She ain't got nothing to do wit' this," Remy said, eyes on Rogue.

"Who knows," the woman sneered. "Maybe she can help pay off your debts."

Remy swallowed.

He looked at Rogue with sullen eyes, and recognized how impossible their love was and always would be.

………………………………………

_Rogue met Jean Grey that summer. They pulled Rogue from the lake and kept her alive. _

_She was brought to Professor Xavier's mansion. His institute. _

_Jean Grey was a summer intern. Her nurse._

_In the future Jean would keep every instance and observation to herself. She would know Rogue's story but stand in the corners and say nothing. _

_Rogue wrote in a book in the large dining hall by herself. The room was empty, and the morning sun hit her pages just right._

_The professor had suggested that she wasn't as crazy as she thought. That perhaps her loss of control of her power had contributed to the voices and images in her head. _

_Stress. It was all stress and grief. _

_She was at the end of her stay. It had been an entire year. It was summer again._

_And she knew now that she would be okay. Never perfect. But nonetheless alive._

………………………………………

They stuck Rogue and Remy in opposite cells. They couldn't see each other, but they let their backs rest on adjoining walls.

"You know, I actually thought o'making my fake death real."

Remy's voice was quiet, and less sure than Rogue had ever heard it.

"Why?"

"Because I was fighting a decision. I never wanted to leave ya, but at the same time I did."

Rogue pulled her knees up to her chest, and winced slightly in pain from her shoulder.

"It had nothin' t'do wit' love chere. I just couldn't seem to stay in one place."

"Some days you seemed just fine with it. There were days I thought you'd never leave, and days I knew you would," Rogue replied softly.

"You filled me in a way other people couldn't. I don't know why I always ran."

"Remy, you don't need to explain or make excuses." This was easier, not being able to see his eyes. "Not anymore. I dealt with it all ages ago."

"At Xavier's Institute?"

"Yes." Rogue replied with a pause.

"I'm sorry Rogue. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"You hate hospitals anyway Remy."

There was an echoing of footsteps. Someone was coming.

Rogue heard Remy's hands clasp against the metal bars, in an effort to get closer to her.

"Rogue-"

"Don't worry Remy," Rogue shuffled closer to the bars on her cell.

"Do you believe in soulmates chere?" She knew he was smiling. She knew he was nervous. For her, not himself.

The footsteps were closer now. She could see the figures in the doorway.

She stood up, her hands sliding along the bars as she did.

"No Remy. I don't."

Remy gave a little laugh.

Cigarette smoke blew through the bars.

Rogue smiled and felt her heart beat normal.

"This is it chere."

The light switched on. And Rogue met Remy's past.


	8. it's tearing you apart

**Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.**

Sorry it took so long to update! Thanks to my reviewers!

This is another chapter that ends with a bang.

………………………………………

_Everything lies on a string. And no piece of thread is long enough to never end._

_Rogue had pulled out a strand of her hair and was playing with the two ends while lying in Remy's arms. _

_He had just told her he loved her. And it felt good. She had smiled. _

_But it had felt good, even better, the first time he had told her. It had seemed real then. _

_Rogue looked up into the eyes of the man she knew shared her other half. _

_And yet she didn't believe in soulmates._

_There would be no one to replace him. No matter what he had done._

………………………………………

The figure that stood before Rogue and Remy slowly molded into a gun-toting Mystique.

Not one of the fierce mutants that had locked them up.

Mystique smiled in annoyance as she moved to her daughter's cage.

"I suppose you will want me to release Remy as well?" Mystique asked.

Rogue looked at her mother. Her hands gripped the bars until her knuckles turned white.

"We've lost our powers mom."

It was all she said because she knew her eyes had answered her mother's question.

"Yes, Essex sedated you with something. They should be back soon, but I don't know when."

Remy flicked his cigarette out through the bars as Mystique walked over to his cage.

"I would think a master thief such as yourself could get out of something as simple as a jail cell." Mystique's eye's challenged him, but Remy didn't look at her.

"I've escaped these cells before."

His tone was confident and quiet.

"Why didn't you get us out then?" Rogue asked moving over beside her mother.

"I didn't think it would matter much. This place is crawlin' wit' his army."

It was a bullshit excuse. Mystique worked on his cell anyway, and Rogue watched him, unable to lift his eyes from the floor.

"Remy, what's going on with you?"

Rogue stood close now, as she heard the pop of his cell door unlock.

She could feel his heat from behind the bars.

"Maybe I should stay here chere. Face up to my fate."

Rogue leaned closer, their noses almost touching through the cell.

"You can't give up now."

He looked up then, eyes flickering, so close, his eyelashes breathed against her skin.

"I can if you ain't by my side chere."

"Well, I'm right here Remy."

He slid out of the cell with such ease and remembrance. Rogue knew it pained him to be here, in his past.

A past is a past. Something to be forgiven if willing to move forward.

Rogue looked uncertainly at the man next to her. She knew she loved him. He kissed her forehead, grazed her hand. But she did not trust him.

She did not trust him to stick around.

They followed Mystique and with Remy's guidance escaped the base through the ventilation system.

There was a car waiting a mile outside the base. Sleek and black.

It drove them to a place Rogue hadn't been in years. To a place of her past.

Xavier's Mansion.

………………………………..

"What are we doing here mom?"

Monotone. Unsure.

"This is a safe place for the two of you right now. Essex will look for Remy again."

They stepped out of the car. No one greeted them. Mystique walked inside, but Rogue stood frozen on the steps.

"The truth is Remy, I love this place."

Remy walked up beside her.

"Why?"

"It's beautiful."

Remy's long hair guarded his expression. But he understood. And Rogue caught that in the wind.

"There's a garden round back."

"You afraid t'go inside petit?"

He pulled out yet another cigarette, and let it hang unlit from his lips.

"Don't smoke that Remy."

Rogue leaned forward and slowly removed the white stick. She slipped it in her pocket.

"Let's go for a walk."

Remy's hand clasped hers in response.

And they walked, hand in hand, around the house, and through the well cut grass. Her normal life was over now. She could feel it.

She watched Remy, because he was like a walking ghost still.

His eyes never glanced in her direction, but she knew he knew she was watching.

He was different.

More beautiful than before.

But different.

The garden was still there. If you followed the well laid out path, it would eventually lead to a lake.

Somewhere, Remy let go of her hand.

"You know Rogue," Remy bent down to pick a flower. He stood up and stuck it behind her ear as he spoke. "People make decisions without really thinking."

"Is that your excuse?"

The flower could not lighten his words.

"No." His words were soft. His charm was still present. But something was fading. "I have no good excuse. I'm a fool Rogue."

Rogue looked to the side, to the distance. She could see the lake and the water calmed her.

She started to walk. And he followed.

"If I stay with you Remy, we'll always be on the run."

"Maybe not."

He was beside her again, and this time it was him watching her.

"What did you do Remy? Why are they after you?"

"Essex has my soul chere."

Rogue looked over. They were so close to the lake. She could see the sun setting. She could feel the pain of his words.

"I gave it to him to control my powers. I owe him my life."

Rogue slumped down into the grass.

And Remy sat down behind her. His legs extended out alongside her. And slowly she rested her head back into his chest.

"Does it have to be that way?" It was a whisper and a silent question.

Remy ran his fingers through her hair.

"When we began Rogue, everything was new and innocent. It was fresh and passionate."

"It was real," Rogue breathed.

"But I had a past then. A past I was running from."

"You really loved me Remy." It wasn't a question, but it should have been.

"Yes Rogue."

"Then why did you always run?"

"Because it's scary to love someone so much."

They didn't say anything else. She didn't ask anything else.

If a sunset can change colors so can love.

………………………………………………………

_Rogue let go of the leaf. _

_She sat in the park alone. And Remy had just left her for the final time._

_She had had a dream he was dead. A nightmare. _

_It was the end of Fall. The leaves were brown and scattered. The wind carried them away, and the water cemented them in place. _

_Rogue rested her face into her mitten covered hands. _

_When love runs away from you, you can ask yourself a million questions. They may not be the right ones. _

_To memorize someone's very bone structure. To understand their thoughts and movements. To visualize their walk, their eye color and their favorite everything. _

_Rogue knew it would take forever to forget and let go._

_She pulled a pendant from her pocket. _

_It was emerald, and oddly shaped. Yet beautiful. Remy had given it to her._

_Once he had told her to learn to let go of the past. To not hold onto things. _

_It was raining so hard, thick mud had built up in the ground beneath her feet._

_She threw the pendent down. Every large raindrop slowly began to bury it. She watched it melt. _

_Her hair soaked through and she pulled up her hood. Her eyes still on the ground._

_She couldn't believe she was here._

_She couldn't believe it._

………………………………………..

The raindrops hit them softly. It wasn't supposed to rain that day.

Rogue sat up, and Remy with her.

"I don't want it to rain," Rogue said.

"We don't have to leave."

The raindrops were large. They would be soaked within minutes.

"Remy, it always rains with you."

Remy pulled his knees up, and Rogue moved to a kneeling position.

"It's the perfect description of our relationship chere."

Rogue paused. And smiling she turned around. Remy lay back, hands in the wet grass, smiling.

She leaned down and kissed him. Their lips were wet. It reminded her of one of their first kisses. In the rain.

Their touch would forever be perfect. It would be love itself.

Rogue stood up and reached out for his hand.

"Is this it Remy?'

Remy grabbed her hand, and stood up, inching as close as he could, his body warm despite the rain.

"Yes. This is it forever Rogue."

He kissed her again, hard.

"You can't leave."

"I never left you in the first place Remy."

A raindrop hit her nose and rolled slowly to the end. Remy reached one finger out and wiped it away.

"I love you."

"You could love someone else."

Remy grabbed her hair, pulled her tight, even closer.

"No chere. I couldn't."

A kiss again. It was a kiss meant to make her believe.

She always believed his kisses.

"What would you do if I left you?"

She had to know every angle.

"I would follow you Rogue. I would never let you go. Not again."

The thunder was low and in the hills, but it struck at a perfect time and chord.

She grabbed his hand and pursed her lips.

She nodded.

And kissed him again.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they began to walk through the grass, back towards the garden, back towards the mansion.

They wiped away the water from each other's faces as they walked, smiling. Laughing because they felt crazy and completely unsure.

And then the blast. The second gunshot they had to hear that week stiffened the air.

It stopped their laughter and their touching.

This time there was blood.

This time, time stopped as Rogue looked down.

They were holding each other so tight.

She did love Remy.

She always would.

Someone breathed in deeply.

She would feel this forever.


	9. sew up your insides

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

Soooo…thanks to my reviewers, and sorry for the long delay! The final chapter is short. But fitting I suppose.

……………………………………..

There was a loud pulsing in Rogue's ears as she slowly looked down at her bleeding stomach.

The feeling of not being able to hear made time stop, colors and shapes blur.

The barrel of the gun was smoking and still pointed slightly lower than her chest.

Her mother's hand was steady as her wide yellow eyes held her shock.

Remy's strong arms supported Rogue to the ground. Mystique slowly lowered the gun.

Rogue blinked, water unwillingly forming from her eyes. The corner of her mouth curved into an untimely smile.

"This ain't funny chere."

Remy's voice was stern as he applied pressure with something to Rogue's bleeding wound. One hand wiped hair from her face as his red eyes blazed.

Mystique's voice was in the background, as she spoke into a small phone. As Mystique kneeled into the grass beside Rogue and Remy, Remy's hand swept out and grabbed her wrist tightly.

"Give me da gun woman."

There was no room for compromise in his voice. Mystique's mouth opened to argue, but she eyed her bleeding daughter and reaching to her hip, she removed the gun and placed it in Remy's palm.

"That bullet was meant for you," Mystique seethed.

The danger in Remy's eyes glowed brightly as he put the gun in his inside pocket and returned his attention to Rogue.

"How ya feeling Rogue?"

Her smile hadn't disappeared as she nodded her chin up to look at Remy.

"I can't feel."

"What can't you feel chere?"

"Nothing. I can't feel anything."

A noise escaped her throat, akin to a laugh. It was followed by a cough, the spit red. Her lips were slowly losing color.

With one gloved hand Remy wiped away the blood.

"You ain't going to die Rogue."

Rogue closed her mouth and smiled, resting her head back down.

Remy looked up at Mystique, his hands burning with energy.

"Was I dat much of a threat to you?"

His eyes narrowed. Mystique paused.

"Yes. Yes Remy you were."

Before he could ask why, Jean and a few others showed up, medical bags in hand. Remy watched Jean lift Rogue with her telekinesis. He followed behind Rogue as they walked quickly back to the mansion.

A thief, eyes so normally trained to take in every detail missed every inch of the house as they took an elevator to the basement. His concentration was only on the blood. And Rogue's constant smile.

They put her on an exam table, fiddling with tools, and ripping the clothes away from her stomach wound.

Remy stood close by watching every moment. Afraid to look away, afraid to lose a minute of Rogue's life. He reached out and touched a curl of her hair, smoothing it softly.

Blood was dribbling from her mouth again. Her chest hardly rose. She was still unconscious. Something had been injected inside her so they could remove the bullet.

It was a mixture of shiny metal and wet blood. Remy's eyes stayed on the wound as they stitched it up, glimpsing her insides. He felt his throat gag at seeing the woman he loved so closely. A sight she had never even seen of herself: her insides.

He remembered the doctors looking to one another wearily. He remembered everyone slowly leaving the room. Jean walked up, touched his arm. Spoke to him.

He dismissed every sound. Every movement and action.

He had been such a fool.

His arms reached out for a chair he wasn't even sure his mind saw consciously. He sat down ungracefully, his eyes never leaving Rogue.

The room was empty but the two of them.

Her eyelashes were long, covering the emerald gems he needed to see.

He reached out and smoothed one gloved hand across her bare arm. He wished she would respond.

A thought struck him as he watched her calm, uncharacteristic face. Slowly he removed the glove from his hand and dangled one finger hesitantly above her bare skin.

He wondered.

He let his finger fall, grazing her skin. And nothing happened.

He let his entire hand fall.

She had control of her powers. But only when she was awake he had thought.

He ran his hand up and down her arm, before moving up her neck, resting a finger on her parched lips.

The truth was she was still beautiful in this state.

The other truth was he had heard the words of the doctors.

She wouldn't' survive most likely.

She was dying, as he touched her.

He heard the door whoosh open behind him and ignored it.

"Can I have one last moment with my daughter?"

A small silence filled the room. Nothing moving as Remy kept his head bowed down towards Rogue.

And then he chuckled.

"It's a simple request Remy."

Remy lifted his head, his hand crawling away from Rogue towards his coat pocket.

"No it ain't."

He could feel Mystique's frustration fill the room as he stood up.

"Accidents happen Remy. I consider you finding my daughter an accident."

Remy looked at Rogue one last time. He leaned over and kissed her despondent lips. Then he turned around and pointed the gun at Mystique's chest.

"That's true Mystique. Accidents happen everyday. But dat ain't enough o'a justification."

"Did you have justification in breaking my daughters heart?" Mystique didn't move a muscle. Her eyes watched Remy's eyes as any good soldier would do.

"Dat wasn't any o'your business." Remy pulled the hammer back, cocking his head to the side. "Rogue ain't like no other woman."

"Then why did you leave her?" Mystique's hands went to her hips, but fear had begun to seep into her expression.

"You know dat story. I was young and I was a fool." Remy shook his head. "I imagined a hundred different lives for Rogue and I. I was obsessed with my love for her. I watched her from a distance. I imagined how I would o'done things differently."

"She's dying now Remy. And killing me won't change that."

"I never wanted to hurt her."

Another pause. Remy thought his hand might shake.

"You'll live with everything you've done wrong Mystique."

Mystique arched her eyebrows, mouth opening to respond.

"And I loved Rogue. She was my perfect fit."

Remy positioned the gun inside his mouth and pulled the trigger before Mystique could respond.

The impact of the bullet sent his body back onto Rogue's bed.

Remy died instantly, the blood seeping onto her hospital gown.

But his hand reached out for hers, as the other dropped the gun to the floor.

They would die by the same weapon.

But as Remy's body went limp, Rogue's eyes blinked open.

It was only for an instant. Enough to see her lover's fall.

Rogue saw a million different images as she sucked in her last breath. It was loud, rushing in her ears. The last intake of oxygen. The last bit of life.

The images were of confusion. Uncertainty.

She could feel Remy's hand against hers. She squeezed it as her eyes closed again.

If soulmates existed, perhaps Remy was hers after all.

She would have never left the idea of loving him.

She would never have loved another the same.

They had died like this before, together, in another life.

Blood seemed to transcend time.

Like love.

……………….

FIN.


End file.
